I hate today - I hate myselves

I hate 6th of May!!
I hate 6th of May more than 4th of Aug and 18th of Jan

I HATE MYSELVES!!
BEING SO WEAK AND STUPID
Cried twice in a day
During midnight and followed by evening after chemistry paper
ISH
1st time I cried for my exam result

I knew that my chemistry paper won't do well under such condition
Yet
I never think that I might fail in this paper
I left 60marks blank
It will really be a miracle if I'm able to pass

Knowing the truth
Is it a good thing to me?
I don't know

There will be not me anymore if I change
Yet
Should I change?

Nah
Too bad there is no sheesha around here
But glad that there still have alcohol with me

Duh..
I didn't get drunk

I'm such a failure
Can't help